Gay Open Relationships are…

BULLSHIT! I know I’m gonna step on some toes  but come on , let’s be honest. For all the gay dudes that have boyfriends but are in “open relationships”, there are few reasons why this probably works but isn’t conducive to being actually happy.

ONE person can’t make you happy

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While this may be true to some extent when it comes to attention and maybe social outings. How far are you going to test a relationship when it comes to sex? If two partners can’t sexually satisfy each other, aren’t you nothing more than roommates? Most “partners” simply aren’t willing to call it quits due to mutual history or comfort but go out of their way to find someone to sexually satisfy them for the moment.

I won’t be a hypocrite, yes I’ve slept with people I’ve knowingly knew were in relationships but it left me feeling “less than” . I didn’t want to be the side dick, my name is not Olivia Pope. For the third wheel you’re always left wondering, “What kinda guy has you hooked but can’t satisfy you sexually?” . And true, it may be a deeper bond, but deep bonds can be developed with anybody if people take time.

Frankly, if one person can’t make you happy… why be in a relationship at all? Stay single and tell people you’re not interested in commitment.

They’re comfortable

Most these guys not only have built a history with one person, but they built it with the wrong person. They’ve invested too much to want to start over. Perhaps the person has more money than them or they mutual financial obligations like a car note. Often times you see this when someone dates someone considerably older than their self. The older partner may allow them to play as not to lose them completely.

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The point is…at this point you have to weigh out the pros  and cons to either be with some one you kinda like and be comfortable but unhappy or take a chance on happiness. Most these guys choose money.

They’re TWO bottoms settling

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Loneliness gets the best of us and sometimes you’ll find guys who get along on every level except that they both enjoy sex the exact same way (as bottoms) . Everyone is different however, and one may compromise to take a chance at not being alone for the rest of his life. This may work on an emotional level as they find someone they trust, but on a sexual level you have someone who will constantly be deep down looking for a top. Just remember while you’re settling , that single top of your dreams just overlooked you because you were at the bar with a ring on it. (and I don’t mean cock ring)

They’re emotionally insecure

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More often than not, this person is trying to not to fall in love with anyone to keep from being hurt. They have probably been hurt in the past and now they have set up the perfect way to never be put in that situation again… an open relationship. This way, they get security of knowing someone will always be there but by spreading their physical self thin to several people they never really feel a total bond with anyone.  This is usually a one-sided arrangement however, and sooner or later the other partner will tire. But what do they care?

Look, I’m just venting, maybe I’m bitter cause it’s crazy out there just finding one person in the dating world. It just adds to it when you find a great guy, and he says, “I just want to be honest I have a boyfriend but…” But hey… if works for you keep on, don’t let me be the Grinch who stole Valentines. 😛

Sex and Mind Control

I’m sure you’re like “OMG… what is he talking about now” but I promise you it won’t be something crazy. Kinda But it’s the first day of Scorpio and we all know what scorpios are about hehehe. PLUS, I’m in a reflective state of mind right now and I have began realizing what kind of things make me tick as a man. There was a time as  a kid when I was ready to go when the wind blew (if you get my drift) but now I realize that it when it comes to sexuality I’m more of a oven than I am a microwave. I am sure there are those in the gay community that are into microwave sex however, there comes the time when you realize that the better quality food is cooked slow.

Wait are we talking about food or sex? I hope I haven’t lost you in the metaphor. Growing up my attempts to identify my sexuality has been best described as bisexual (which has it’s ups and downs in both the hetero and homo sexual communities) but, if I get down to the nitty gritty what best describes me is sapiosexual. I am the type that will feel genuine attraction to someone who stimulates my mind regardless of gender. (think of the student who falls for their university professor..yeah I’m that type)  I think back at people who I felt no sexual attraction to no matter what they did, or how they looked and I realized there was one missing element. They were all about my body but weren’t connecting to me on some mental level.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my share of one night stands with out really knowing someone’s full name but in the same, there was some initial mental connection, some unspoken inside joke that was noticed, some mental discussion about attraction or perhaps they touched on the emotional dynamic slightly.

As I get older I realize there are three dynamics in what I want from another that distinctly affect the other dynamics substantially:

  • Emotional: intimacy, romance, imagination, freedom to be
  • Physical: Sexual prowness, desire and uninhibited
  • Mental stimulation: communication on some level and inspirational awareness

Doesn’t seem to much to ask, I guess where people differ is which dynamic is given priority. What do you think of my list? Did I miss anything? What would you give more weight?

Sexual Orientation vs Preference

As a bisexual male I am sometimes accused of many things. I have been called all sorts of names but to add on that I am sometimes accused of being confused, greedy, promiscuous, or going through a phase. I am non of these things, and while I am attractive and I have had my “pick of the litter” I am quite picky to whom I decide to spread my “royal oats” with. But this blog isn’t about me. It’s about the misunderstanding that society seems to have when I say that I am bisexual. It is society’s confusion that I will attempt to clarify.

The problem here is when people think you are talking about sexual preference when you are talking about sexual orientation. Those are two different things and shouldn’t be lumped together. Many times I understand that the LGBT community will be talking about sexual orientation while the religious community will be discussing sexual preference.

Look up the definitions for yourself. http://www.dictionary.com Orientation is the awareness that one has about their self. It is the beliefs that they have concluded based upon their own experiences. No one can tell you your sexual orientation. You don’t even choose your sexual orientation…it just is. You figure it out based upon how you feel and we all know you can’t control how you feel you can only control what you do with your feelings. (express or repress)

Sexual preference is what you decide. Prefence is defined as what you favor over another option. For example I like both mexican food and italian food…but on any given day I PREFER mexican. But don’t get me wrong…place some pasta in front of me and I will love it just as much!

This is how bisexuality is.

A bisexual simply has experienced both genders and finds sex pleasurable and comfortable with both. HOWEVER, a bisexual may have a sexual preference as homosexual or even heterosexual. In truth, there are many bisexual men and women who have a sexual preference of heterosexual. A poll taken on a dating site concluded that 50% of proclaimed heterosexual women have had or want to have a bisexual experience compared to the 15% of heterosexual men (however I think if the men were drunk the percentage would be higher) .

You can only choose one sexual preference at any given time, there is no bisexual sexual preference. BUT preference is not fixed, you can prefer to be homosexual today and heterosexual tomorrow. (which is what the religious community encourages)

On the flip side

Sexual orientation is fixed. You can’t control that …it is who you are and you should choose your preference based upon that. A person who has a sexual orientation of homosexual will never feel anything for the opposite sex. He/she ,however, may choose to live the sexual preference of heterosexuality because the lifestyle is more acceptable in society to some degree; but these individuals usually live very unhappy and unsatisfied lives.

What happens if a heterosexual oriented person chooses to prefer homosexuals? It is very unlikely to say the least. But I have heard of heterosexuals who are bi-curious and never act on it. Straight girls kissing other girls, bromances, gay for pay, these are examples of people who may be heterosexual normally but prefer the same gender for some outside reason other than TRUE sexual reasons.

Ideally, Homo or Hetero oriented people prefer their orientation.

So a person may be truly bisexual in their sexual orientation (beliefs, experiences, feelings) but their sexual preference may be just …gay. But sexual preference may not be dependent on genatalia for the bisexual. Many factors may come into play. But that depends on each individual person and circumstance. Tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree? Is preference changable? Is orientation fixed? Speak your mind!

Why People are More Comfortable with Lesbians than Gay Men

I have found at least in the main media, that most people are highly comfortable with lesbianism but not male homosexuality. I have a theory about this so if continue reading if you will.

This is pretty much a male dominated society but yet women control a lot about how men react to things. So there’s this 50-50 exchange of ideas and control. Lesbian women or at the very least women who flirt with the idea, pose no threat to male sexuality or sexual identity. Two women together don’t even threaten their own femininity and it would seem that they become EMPOWERED because they express the ability sexually that they don’t need a man.

The heterosexual man, however still is able to see himself in these women’s lives because, as stated before, it’s a male dominated society and lesbian or not, it’s dangerous for a woman by herself (unless she has a gun, dog or something) So they guy says to himself,

“Hey she has a need…i still have a chance”

I will even go as to say even sexually he says,

“Wow, two Pussies…and nothing getting filled…there’s a need…I still have a chance.”

This is his mind. What he may not realize is that she may not want to be penetrated or she may have alternate ways of doing so. They only lesbian threat to the heterosexual male is the stud female who says,

“Not only do I not need you sexually, but I don’t need you to protect me either, AND I can please a woman better than you.”

This woman is so much like him that he is not attracted to her and most of the time these strong lesbians are the object of gay bashing if any.

On the adverse side, male homosexuality poses a threat to heterosexual men only to one issue…..Straight men feel that being gay means religuishing your masculinity or becoming less of a man. This is not necessarily true. This is only because the media chooses to focus on the most feminine of gay men and the most masculine of gay men choose to stay in shadows. Just like the stud lesbian who has traded in her feminine identity, there are some men who have traded their masculine identity for more softer tones and some in the hetero society find this difficult to accept as most try so hard to define, uphold, and retain what they consider masculine and feminine especially when it comes to relationships.

Where the feminine gay male gets much smack about his sexual orientation, you find far less masculine men getting as much trouble. I saw one dude at the gym who was big and brawny, he appeared to have that biker look. He had a tank top and on his arm he had tattoos of intertwining dicks and male symbol signs. He was obviously gay and proud and so big I doubt anybody would fuck with him. My point is, although he was gay he posed no threat to male masculinity, in fact he seemed to love his own (nothing wrong with that).

I find that homesexual/bisexual men who are masculine and love their masculinity seemed to be more so accepted in the heterosexual world. Straight men love their masculinity too, they have something in common. A straight man can talk about lifting weights, sports, politics, or even sex with a masculine gay male in a way he cannot with a feminine male.

Why is that? Perhaps the feminine male feels more in common with females or is oblivious to what masculinity even is. Because of that, he tries harder to express himself (he is still a man) and this comes off as FLAMBOYANT. The heterosexual male says,

” I can’t relate to this guy and I don’t need him in my life.”

The feminine male’s rejection of his his masculinity expresses itself as masculine men (gay or str8) reject him.

As times change, and we begin to see more MASCULINE homo and bisexual men come to the forefront, then we begin to see the heterosexual world begin to relate more become more comfortable as they see more diversity within the LGBT community and relize that being gay is not just a “feminine” thing .

In my own bisexuality I have had no issue with my straight friends and often enjoy debating on what they consider right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. I also find that there are SO MANY masculine men who may identify as straight but that may not be necessarily true. As the world becomes more accepting, hopefully these individuals will accept themselves. So I am making this theory based off my own experience and my observation of other masculine men and people’s response to them. If you have had a different experience please feel free to share, comment, or send a note.