Who Left the Closet Door Open?

Is it me or is gay folk coming out the closet in the news  like every day!? Granted I have CNN on 24/7 at work because I work in social media, but I’ve noticed that its been the big thing on people’s   errr the media’s mind.

My thinking: it’s mainly because of the injustice going on in Russia. If you haven’t heard, Russia is where the Olympics 2014 is taking place and they also have been adamant about placing major anti-gay laws that could imprison people for homosexuality and does very little to protect gay hate crimes.

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Sure… America has it’s own issues but how can we sit idle and not do anything? Only recently has this event encouraged Wentworth Miller to come out of the closet and admit he’s gay. (you remember… the guy from Prison break ooo La La)

Before that Bradley Manning, the one in trouble for the wiki-leaks recently said that he wanted a sex change, WWE wrestler, Darren Young admitted to being gay when questioned by TMZ, and Nickelodeon star, Lucas Cruikshank (b.k.a. “Fred” the annoying voice college student who thinks he’s a kid) Joined the rainbow party of those who are not ashamed of their sexuality when asked.

2013 seems to be the year to come out and be yourself! People seem to be more shocked and amazed that these macho celebs are more-so than their typical stereotypical hair-dresser.

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All in all, I think that it’s good for Americans to see how many people are affected when “others” decide to discriminate and use bigotry to justify their prejudice against another group of people.

I understand that homosexuality is condemned in some religions so people feel torn, but there are a lot of things that these ancient religions condemn that people today do and no one sees it as wrong. Simply put, people change… how we think of the world thousands of years ago is not how we think of it now (ie. the Sun moving around the Earth or the Earth being flat)

Hopefully, as more gay men come out and become more vocal about the rights that affect others like them and refuse to “pretend” to “act straight” to blend in, then others will realize that there is nothing shameful or disrespectful about sexuality or who you feel you love. The only choice a man has is whether to be honest about his sexuality or to live a lie. For my hetero brothers and sisters who feel threatened by homosexuals … take a good look at yourself. This world is predominantly heterosexual and one man being honest with himself is not going to change one iota of your life and how you live it. People shouldn’t have to keep their relationship a secret to make other folk “comfortable” or to not rock the boat. It’s 2013 after all.. and I have hope in humanity even thought there’s all this craziness  in Russia, Jamaica, the Middle East, Africa … Texas. #sigh

Jason Collins is gay…Who cares?

It’s a day after Jason’s big announcement and it’s pretty obvious from the trending topics that a lot of people care in one way or another.
Whether it is in support for his courage or to ridicule and to Bible thump (as usual) …people are in dialogue.

Why does it matter, who a person sleeps with is private

I’ve seen this repeated over and over. I don’t expect most heterosexuals to understand why men and women choose to expose to the world that they are gay. Heterosexuals never have to do that because we assume everyone is straight. But we still live in a world that discriminates and until that ends, those being discriminated against shouldn’t cower because of who they are.
Continue reading “Jason Collins is gay…Who cares?”

SGL… ugh WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?

“hi.. so are you gay?”

“ugh no, I’m SGL.” 

“you’re what?”

“I’m same gender loving.” 

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MAN get out here with that bullshit…you’re GAY! So I’ve been tripping out about BLACK folks who are on this SGL “label” versus just accepting that that they’re gay. This label was created by black folks in the 90’s who were oo in the closet to admit that they were gay decided that they didn’t want to be considered gay because it was a “european” term so they decided have something more *clearing throat” more afro-centric (because AFRICA SO LOVES THE GAYS  SGL members of society) I wonder… when is this SGL pride… so I can make sure NOT to pencil it in my schedule. 

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SGL (or same gender loving) is bull…SHIT. *plop plop plop* It’s just another sub culture that wants to  divide.  “You’re gay.. and I’m not like you, I’m different.” really…cause when it all comes down to it… when somebody is discriminating against you for your sexuality, it doesn’t matter what race you are, they just see you as gay. “Oh sorry, you’re SGL? i just hate gays…nevermind.” …no I’ve never heard anyone say that. 

Bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, tran, curious…when prejudice straight folk find out you’re different …you’re lumped into that gay pot. So be gay..and be happy.   Divided we fall; which is why I still for the life of me can’t understand why the gay black community continually divides itself from the gay community at large. Yes, I know there’s racism within the gay community; but not all gays  are racist and  there’s no reason that we continually divide into these tiny subcultures to find acceptance or psychological satisfaction in meaningless acronyms . 

Homosexuality has been around since the beginning of time and it’s still here…. SGL , well that… that’s bull shit. #dropsmic 

The Downlows Affect on the Mentality of Black Women

I was on Facebook the other day , going through my normal routine of checking posts and reading articles others had posted when I stumbled upon an interesting post of someone I had randomly added. Her name is Deborah Cooper. She is notable columnist who wrote a popular article on how “The Black Church was keeping Black Women Single”.  Her page had something about guys on the down low so I clicked to see what she was talking about. It seems any time you bring up the topic of “down-low” brothers (ie. in the closet homosexuals) women come in whirlwinds adding their comments. I was intrigued to say the least especially when they began to equate bisexuality with being down low.  I decided to chime in. I thought “Hey, surely I can have a rational discussion and perhaps give my two cents on the subject.”  But I was suddenly the object of their anger. I was the down low brother they hated. I was every lying, cheating, black male they had heard about or been hurt by.  I could clearly tell I was not welcome in their facebook thread.  But I took note of their feelings  and words and raised questions in my own personal mind that will probably never get answered.

Here’s a copy of the conversation:

  • January 28 at 7:21pm ·
  •  

    Lexi Free 

    This has nothing to do with your GAYness. But all to do with your COWARDness. 

    Montre: “SO why would i even tell people? It doesnt promote me positive in anyones eyes.”

    So why tell? Because if you plan on using HER to HIDE from the stigma… of SOCIETY, then SHE has EVERY right to KNOW.

    So fuck the dumbshit your SILLY ASS is spitting out of your mouth. Yes some people have a problem with accepting people GAY lifestyle. I don’t and most people DON”T. You, the “Bisexuals”, are the ones who are homophobic and afraid of being homosexual.

    I don’t care. I don’t hate homosexuals, I don’t discriminate against them, and I damn sure as hell don’t sleep with them, KNOWINGLY. So please, do tell.See More

    January 28 at 7:30pm · · 2 peopleDeborrah Cooper and Mauricio Dye like this.
  •  

    Montré Bible lol i don’t date women to hide from anything. If i decide to be with  a female its because i find something truly attractive about her that i feel benefits my life and I feel that our lives coincide in some way. And when I have been in relationships ive still claimed to be bisexual. but frankly, its whatever, i know what Im attracted to and have been attracted to all these years. If all women thought, spoke and acted like you then I would seriously consider myself homosexual. 

    January 28 at 7:36pm ·
  • Lexi Free You should “consider” yourself homosexual. Hell, the rest of us already consider you as such. Now you can just pretend I’m a man and FRENCH KISS MY ENTIRE ASS! Your DL ass gets no sympathy from me. I’ve grown bored with going back and forth with you. You are irrelevant now. But if you want to keep talking shit to me about your downlow lowdown ass denying your sexuality and hiding behind the label of BISEXUAL,then meet me at Hartsfield Jackson dammit and get the Bitch slapped outcha!!

Now for the record I am NOT down low (hell i’m not even dating females right now) even though she perceived me as such and I don’t believe all bisexual men are down-low nor is calling yourself bisexual way to avoid homophobic backlash (because frankly most heteros only see GAY! just like black folks consider bi-racial kids black) got it. But for that moment, I was not just the random bisexual or gay guy who was adding some comments about my OWN experience. I was villanous down low brother. I’m not sure when I became that. I’ve been out and proud for a moment now. I realized that people believe in bisexual men like they believe in Santa Clause.  I don’t think it’s my job to debate myself blue about my personal sexual orientation…I mean it’s just that…personal.  People barely understand sexuality in itself outside of heterosexuality and when it comes to Black community there really isn’t that much education on it.

My hope is that people will understand that just because you don’t understand someone’s sexuality doesn’t invalidate it. But this blog is not about sexual orientation vs sexual preference and what we believe to be true or not true. It’s not that at all. It was the whole attitude that people have in the black community when it comes to these down low brothers. Now I in no way condone this lifestyle especially if a man is married or in a long-term relationship with a female. I have always informed women (and men) that I was interested in about my sexuality. Some could not deal with it and some could. I realized everyone is different and we have to give people the power of choice…simple and easy.  But in that same way, for that small moment online, I was the target. I thought to myself,

“no wonder black men stay in the closet. They have to deal with so much hatred” (I say they as if I’m not a black man hahaha)

But my personal experience is not like everyone elses and don’t expect people to be like me or make decisions like mine. But I do understand. As a black brotha, I understand that we get so much discrimination for simply “being” . There is somewhat hyper-masculine ideology of what a black man is . And if you find yourself falling short of that you may have to either over-compensate and play a role that is not in fact your actual persona or find acceptance outside of the black community. You see this often with young men who maybe will enjoy rock and classical music over rap and hip hop or may like dating outside their race.  These are all social issues. I don’t wanna go on a tangent.

MY POINT: Young Black Men have a lot of pressure from the world at large to be seen as strong and not weak.

If being a thug is glorified  as being stronger than going to college then you see the young men gravitate to that.

I’m sure all men regardless of race go through this…but when you think BLACK MAN you think WHOA! let me cross the street I’m scared. lol. –well some people. When it comes to young men who are bisexual or homosexual, the black community has (from religious and social training) taught that men who engage in such activities are weak, sissies, wanna-be women, and more or less …dare i say the word…abominations. The problem is that homosexuality and bisexuality has been around forever, no matter what race, culture, religion, nationality…there are always men and women who enjoy same-sex relations and they don’t necessarily fit the stereotype of what we think homosexual people are supposed to be. It is because of these preconceived images that have been indoctrinated into the minds of people of what is homosexuality , that some young men reject it. They don’t want to be perceived as weak amongst their community or family.  So a subculture of men is created… The down-low. The down-low only exists because of the fears and prejudice of the black community.

Women have now been put on full alert! Which is both good and bad. The previous image that they thought was the homosexual is fading.  The flamboyant gum popping queen they see on television and in church plays is only the obvious ones they are a  parody of the truth. They begin to realize that any strong black male, father, pastor, brother, teacher, football player, model, rapper, doctor, lawyer can and might be gay or bisexual. The bad side is that their fear makes them draw within like crabs in a shell with their pinchers out.  If the black community is going to advance further, there should be more rapport between Black men and women about sexuality. All I’m seeing currently is women gathering and talking and gay men talking about it but nothing else. The down low affects gay men and their relationships as well and most gay men do not like down low guys.

Men feel a need…

to protect their image, their pride, their sense of masculinity. Women feel a need to protect their hearts, their lives, their health, and their families (and they should! condoms are fundamental)  But currently all I see is  this war of the sexes being created.  I see black men going further in the closet and I see black women congregating and creating forums about the down low and the signs of  “gayness” as if these down low men have no ears and eyes to know what you’re looking for and do the opposite. As a rule…the squeaky wheel needs the most oil. If you want to know who your down low brothers are ….it’s not the guy you dated who has a gay friend, it’s the homophobic guy you dated who screams to the rooftops he’s straight and “hates fags”.  The down low is fed off fear and self-hatred…why would he have gay friends?

Perfect love casts out all fear.

Despite your personal or religious feelings about homosexuality, remember they are still and always will be men. Men…we have a lot of hangups. Black men, whoa…I used to tell my sister before I officially “came out” it’s hard enough being a black man in American without adding the gay label to the whole mix.  To my brothers, running away from labels, hiding the truth, and purposely deceiving others to only save yourself is not the answer.

“To thine own self be True”

The way to be a strong man is have courage and strength. Courage and strength is not necessarily how strong you are and who you can beat up. But I heard someone say, being strong is about how vulnerable you allow yourself to be with others.  Show people that your sexuality is apart of you but only a small part. I don’t expect the black community to become gay-friendly overnight but perhaps if they were to see how many strong black men are actually in the LGBT community perhaps they would no longer hold their head in shame because we as black men are not ashamed of ourselves, but that we love ourselves, our families and our community…And with that love comes pride.

I joined the Tea Party. (The Long Island Ice Tea Chapter)

Oaklawn Halloween Block Party

NEED MORE INFO ON THE BLOCK PARTY???… I copied this from another site (the miracles of modern technology)

Saturday Oct 30, 2010 in Dallas – 8PM to 2AM

What the organizers say:
“The Oaklawn Halloween Block party is an event not to be missed! Get dressed up and come out for a night to be remembered. Want up to date Gay Dallas information? Add this page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/GayDFWcom/301187915760 For Halloween Costume Ideas -…”
More from the organizers »

Additional info: Travel-worthy

Where
Cedar Springs / Throckmorton
Dallas

2sgn108VOTE Pictures, Images and Photosliquor Pictures, Images and Photos

Sexual Orientation vs Preference

As a bisexual male I am sometimes accused of many things. I have been called all sorts of names but to add on that I am sometimes accused of being confused, greedy, promiscuous, or going through a phase. I am non of these things, and while I am attractive and I have had my “pick of the litter” I am quite picky to whom I decide to spread my “royal oats” with. But this blog isn’t about me. It’s about the misunderstanding that society seems to have when I say that I am bisexual. It is society’s confusion that I will attempt to clarify.

The problem here is when people think you are talking about sexual preference when you are talking about sexual orientation. Those are two different things and shouldn’t be lumped together. Many times I understand that the LGBT community will be talking about sexual orientation while the religious community will be discussing sexual preference.

Look up the definitions for yourself. http://www.dictionary.com Orientation is the awareness that one has about their self. It is the beliefs that they have concluded based upon their own experiences. No one can tell you your sexual orientation. You don’t even choose your sexual orientation…it just is. You figure it out based upon how you feel and we all know you can’t control how you feel you can only control what you do with your feelings. (express or repress)

Sexual preference is what you decide. Prefence is defined as what you favor over another option. For example I like both mexican food and italian food…but on any given day I PREFER mexican. But don’t get me wrong…place some pasta in front of me and I will love it just as much!

This is how bisexuality is.

A bisexual simply has experienced both genders and finds sex pleasurable and comfortable with both. HOWEVER, a bisexual may have a sexual preference as homosexual or even heterosexual. In truth, there are many bisexual men and women who have a sexual preference of heterosexual. A poll taken on a dating site concluded that 50% of proclaimed heterosexual women have had or want to have a bisexual experience compared to the 15% of heterosexual men (however I think if the men were drunk the percentage would be higher) .

You can only choose one sexual preference at any given time, there is no bisexual sexual preference. BUT preference is not fixed, you can prefer to be homosexual today and heterosexual tomorrow. (which is what the religious community encourages)

On the flip side

Sexual orientation is fixed. You can’t control that …it is who you are and you should choose your preference based upon that. A person who has a sexual orientation of homosexual will never feel anything for the opposite sex. He/she ,however, may choose to live the sexual preference of heterosexuality because the lifestyle is more acceptable in society to some degree; but these individuals usually live very unhappy and unsatisfied lives.

What happens if a heterosexual oriented person chooses to prefer homosexuals? It is very unlikely to say the least. But I have heard of heterosexuals who are bi-curious and never act on it. Straight girls kissing other girls, bromances, gay for pay, these are examples of people who may be heterosexual normally but prefer the same gender for some outside reason other than TRUE sexual reasons.

Ideally, Homo or Hetero oriented people prefer their orientation.

So a person may be truly bisexual in their sexual orientation (beliefs, experiences, feelings) but their sexual preference may be just …gay. But sexual preference may not be dependent on genatalia for the bisexual. Many factors may come into play. But that depends on each individual person and circumstance. Tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree? Is preference changable? Is orientation fixed? Speak your mind!

Gay Clubs vs Str8 Clubs

I decided to make a short video about the difference. I hope you enjoy it and leave me a comment on what you think.

Oh yeah here’s me at Dallas Gay Pride this past weekend.

Here’s a song that i just couldnt resist lmao

in other news I just heard about Bishop eddie Long being accused of some Gay Sex scandal. I wonder if he is gonna get on the same “self Denial” train as Donnie McClurckin and Ted Haggard. Probably so. For all my christian friends still in denial…um Things don’t usually get on CNN without valid proof. And from what Ive heard he’s been up to this for some time. Better the truth than to live in disception I always say…

And this Dont ask dont tell shit….YES SHIT I realize that its all political. If anything, the GOP just want to create reasons for people to be angry. And they will point the fingers at the democrats and Obama and say “look, they promised this or that and couldn’t do it. Dont vote for them!” its all a ploy. The GOP is playing their political cards to gain votes or sway voters. Pretty obvious.

What do you guys think?

How to Be OUT

I don’t know if I can answer my own subject. I can only share my own experience.

As a rule I approach everything with respect and dignity and I expect the same back. If you don’t know by now I have a user name “fratBrotha” meaning…I’m in a fraternity . It has come to my knowledge recently from another fraternity brother that they have caught wind via the net that I am bisexual.

Now let me state…im not in college anymore, and the men that are apparently gossipping about me are far into their adult age. So i find this quite amazing that people would be chatting about my sexuality as if it was that noteworthy in this day and time. Perhaps its just shocking and its something to burn the time, who knows.

Anyhow, one of my frat brothers emails me to let me know that such clatter is going on in Texas (but I live in Los angeles) . I tell him I am flattered that so many people have concerned themselves with my sexual behavior.

Just goes to show you that southern mentality.

Glad I left.

Why do people feel so shocked? Do people just simple expect all people to be the same (ie heterosexual) and if they are not, do you expect those people to be the stereotypical mold that you have created for them?I think not.

It has been enough to bother me to the point of writing this but after my vent I shall just accept the mentality of some people for just what it is.

My hope for the BLACK community in particular is that they learn to accept people no matter their differences or sexuality for it is hypocritical for us to fight for civil rights and then next breath turn our nose up on those with different sexual orientation in our OWN race. Plain hypocrisy . You don’t have to like it, but understand that people like me exist.

that’s all ask, understanding.

Why People are More Comfortable with Lesbians than Gay Men

I have found at least in the main media, that most people are highly comfortable with lesbianism but not male homosexuality. I have a theory about this so if continue reading if you will.

This is pretty much a male dominated society but yet women control a lot about how men react to things. So there’s this 50-50 exchange of ideas and control. Lesbian women or at the very least women who flirt with the idea, pose no threat to male sexuality or sexual identity. Two women together don’t even threaten their own femininity and it would seem that they become EMPOWERED because they express the ability sexually that they don’t need a man.

The heterosexual man, however still is able to see himself in these women’s lives because, as stated before, it’s a male dominated society and lesbian or not, it’s dangerous for a woman by herself (unless she has a gun, dog or something) So they guy says to himself,

“Hey she has a need…i still have a chance”

I will even go as to say even sexually he says,

“Wow, two Pussies…and nothing getting filled…there’s a need…I still have a chance.”

This is his mind. What he may not realize is that she may not want to be penetrated or she may have alternate ways of doing so. They only lesbian threat to the heterosexual male is the stud female who says,

“Not only do I not need you sexually, but I don’t need you to protect me either, AND I can please a woman better than you.”

This woman is so much like him that he is not attracted to her and most of the time these strong lesbians are the object of gay bashing if any.

On the adverse side, male homosexuality poses a threat to heterosexual men only to one issue…..Straight men feel that being gay means religuishing your masculinity or becoming less of a man. This is not necessarily true. This is only because the media chooses to focus on the most feminine of gay men and the most masculine of gay men choose to stay in shadows. Just like the stud lesbian who has traded in her feminine identity, there are some men who have traded their masculine identity for more softer tones and some in the hetero society find this difficult to accept as most try so hard to define, uphold, and retain what they consider masculine and feminine especially when it comes to relationships.

Where the feminine gay male gets much smack about his sexual orientation, you find far less masculine men getting as much trouble. I saw one dude at the gym who was big and brawny, he appeared to have that biker look. He had a tank top and on his arm he had tattoos of intertwining dicks and male symbol signs. He was obviously gay and proud and so big I doubt anybody would fuck with him. My point is, although he was gay he posed no threat to male masculinity, in fact he seemed to love his own (nothing wrong with that).

I find that homesexual/bisexual men who are masculine and love their masculinity seemed to be more so accepted in the heterosexual world. Straight men love their masculinity too, they have something in common. A straight man can talk about lifting weights, sports, politics, or even sex with a masculine gay male in a way he cannot with a feminine male.

Why is that? Perhaps the feminine male feels more in common with females or is oblivious to what masculinity even is. Because of that, he tries harder to express himself (he is still a man) and this comes off as FLAMBOYANT. The heterosexual male says,

” I can’t relate to this guy and I don’t need him in my life.”

The feminine male’s rejection of his his masculinity expresses itself as masculine men (gay or str8) reject him.

As times change, and we begin to see more MASCULINE homo and bisexual men come to the forefront, then we begin to see the heterosexual world begin to relate more become more comfortable as they see more diversity within the LGBT community and relize that being gay is not just a “feminine” thing .

In my own bisexuality I have had no issue with my straight friends and often enjoy debating on what they consider right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. I also find that there are SO MANY masculine men who may identify as straight but that may not be necessarily true. As the world becomes more accepting, hopefully these individuals will accept themselves. So I am making this theory based off my own experience and my observation of other masculine men and people’s response to them. If you have had a different experience please feel free to share, comment, or send a note.