So I’m about to turn 40 on March the 7th. I decided to reflect a little on the past ten years and see if I learned anything. LOL
of course, I did.
It was the year of 2008 … Obama had just won and I voted. I was living in Los Angeles. That was also the year the Recession hit and I lost my job at Myspace. My California Dream was crashing hard but I was still partying and fucking like a rock star. When I turned 30 I think I remember I went to Fubar in my underwear… not sure.. it was all fuzzy but I’m pretty sure I did. Not sure if I got laid or not… but probably. lol
I did a lot of “THOTTin” back then. As the years passed I searched for more. Move back to Texas, got a relationship with a crazy Puerto Rican that I couldn’t keep up with and that ended with a fizzle… no direction… no goal. Just ended. I had more “sexual affairs” and lovers in that 10 years… but alas they lasted less than a year so it’s not worth mentioning. Welcome to the 30’s. I had more money than in my 20’s and I knew who I was .. fuck I had more resources (THE FUCKING INTERNET) but still…
Here I am. I don’t think life after 10 years is bad. I started my 30’s a gypsy boy… with practically nothing.. okay nothing. I lost everything.. and moved back home with my mom. Newly sexually out and back in the south, I had to regroup. I coped with lost friends, the anger, the isolation, then found new friends. Gay friends… then dealt with the craziness and fakeness of that. OH WELL…
As I learned more about sex and relationships in my 30’s I felt like I didn’t wanna be that fuckin old dude on Grindr at 60. Relationships …or meaningful relationships has been a strong goal. That…as well as money. I have managed to keep progressing to better jobs, however.
Now I’m about to be 40, good job, apartment, a dog, and I’m still trying to figure out the game.. or is the game trying to figure me out? I have plenty of guys that like me and I have dated some great guys so whats the problem? Sometimes I feel like I’m being too petty.. looking for the dream.. but yet, I don’t want to settle for less. If I don’t feel … fuck.. I don’t feel it. As a Pisces…. feelings are everything.
But… I can’t let my feelings fool me (and that’s the second part)
Cause there are playas out there…
So as I sit and self-reflect, I have no regrets. I love myself and I know there’s love out there to be attained and embraced. I don’t plan to be single forever. I just want someone I can vibe with ..and the sex is great… and makes me feel special, pretty simple, right? I think so… so many fall short. These guys want to be worshipped. They don’t want love.
Montre you wanna be worshipped!
No, I don’t.
I’m social media savvy.. I have fans… I love people that support what I DO..not me in particular. I’m a creative. I appreciate those who appreciate what I do… social media has made it possible for ANYBODY to get attention for bullshit. (sidenote: My next novel is coming out real soon…)
Anywhooooo.. Thanks for reading my rant. I love you guys. Happy Birthday to me… *raise yo drank* here’s to the FORTIES!!!!