Why the view of MARRIAGE must EVOLVE

I was talking to a female friend and she was telling me how a lot of her female friends were disgruntled with being married. She asked me this question,
“Why do men change after you get married? I mean after I DO, they act they own you and act like asses”
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Well…i will attempt to address this issue. In this day and time we believe in equality and rights for all people. However, marriage as it is traditionally is not about equality. It never has been.
It is about ownership. Single empowered women who want to be married find themselves hitting this brick wall time and time again. They go from being single and independent to being someone who is expected to submit to every foolish whim of their husband or be ostracized and accused of being a “bad wife” (and who wants that title).
However, as much as we like to believe…many wives are not equal to their husbands.
If they were, wives who are dominant in persona would not be labeled “bitches” or their husbands “weak” . If they were, then wives making more money than their husbands would not be an issue. If they were, wives working and husbands staying home with the kids wouldn’t seem “weird”.
How is it about ownership?
Simple, the ritual of traditional marriage involves one man (THE FATHER) GIVING his daughter (his property) to another man (the groom). Funny…Dad doesn’t give away his sons when they get married. Traditional marriage…has never been about LOVE….it was a business transaction between two men.

Now the therapist in the above video almost seems pro-arranged marriage…and why not? He’s a therapist. But this will not solve the predicament. As marriage evolved from arranged to choice by love, once again, there’s a need for it to evolve from ownership to unification and equality.

“BUT MONTRE, THAT’S WHAT MY MARRIAGE IS. MY HUSBAND DOESN’T OWN ME”

Well, maybe, but if you performed the whole “marriage ritual” i described, then in some ways he does. You are just not aware of it.

A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value, which is prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community.-Wikipedia

If the table was turned and the groom’s mother gave him to his bride would this be weird? Why does any grown adult need to be given anyways? With the rituals of marriage as it is traditionally, the symbolism says the following:

  • Men and women are not equal
  • Men own women
  • It is honorable if a man can pass his daughter (property) to another man he sees fit.
  • Marriage is a business transaction first and foremost. Not about love.

THIS IS ALL SUBCONSCIOUSLY EMBEDDED IN SOCIETIES. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN NOT BARE TO TOLERATE OR UNDERSTAND MARRIAGES THAT DON’T FOLLOW TRADITIONAL STANDARDS.

SO…HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM BEING OWNED?

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Free your mind. I’m not saying don’t get married but I’m saying change your mind on how you view marriage. Change something as simple as the very ritual. (unless you like being owned–or for the fellas, owning another). Marriage, spiritually speaking, is evolving into a love union between two people that creates divine balance. How do you symbolize or visualize that? That’s not very traditional but we as humans grow and learn. But we, as people, all desire to be with some one that balances out and reflects our love as we balance and reflect theirs. We all desire to celebrate our beloved and have that love union celebrated by all. We all want our love to free us…not to enslave us like a “ball and chain”.

If we can change how we perceive something….we can change how it affects us.